Let Rohmer Be Rohmer
So
here it is, almost a year later. This
morning I finished Sir John A’s Crusade
and Seward’s Magnificent Folly, a book Richard Rohmer wrote nearly forty
years after Ultimatum, where our
journey began.
Brian’s
right. This is a dull but competent
book. And the period – Confederation –
suits Rohmer. Maybe I’ve just gotten
used to the stilted way Rohmer characters speak – a cross between a training
film and a gladiator movie – but I also think we’re all conditioned to accept
that historical fiction people (you know, in olden times) talked like pedantic,
strangely-formal robots.
“Come in, Napoleon. I have heard much about your
recent
misadventures. Do sit down. You must be
exhausted from
your 3088-mile round-trip journey from Paris to
the gates
of Moscow.”
For
some weird reason, it sounds less clunky by candlelight.
But
the thing I loved about Sir John A’s Crusade
is that it’s set a century before the average Rohmer, but lays out exactly the same way they all do.
A man gets an idea that he should buy something.
(An oil company, a bank, the North Pole.) He takes it upstairs to the money guys. (Another oil company, another bank, the
German General Staff.) They like it. So
he takes a business trip and makes the offer. Will they accept it? And what will the bureaucrats say?
So
of course John A. Macdonald tries to buy Alaska. He was alive when it happened; what else could
he have done? If Richard Rohmer wrote a
book about Lewis Carroll, Lewis Carroll would try to buy Alaska. He had been born, and it was for sale.
And
while he was at it, he would have:
-
Been briefed at the White House
-
Wandered around in the snow
-
Worn a snappy uniform
-
Praised England
-
Insulted Russia
- Thought about the Arctic, and its many untapped resources
-
Eaten bread so as not to get drunk on vodka
-
Repeated the general premise of the book every 15 pages. (“I purpose to buy a thing using money.”)
-
Taken a woman to a nice dinner at the restaurant in his hotel, and told her a
thing or two about how the problem with the Quebecois is they think they’re all
that.
Is
it wrong to take every story and make it the same? Don't ask me. Ask Claude Levi-Strauss. It wasn’t a problem for the Ramones.
Q: Who was Seward, and
how did he feel about Manifest Destiny?
“I’m concerned about
what those bloody Americans are up to, I must say. That wretched fellow Seward and his Manifest
Destiny thing.”
p. 21
“And thereby put the
boots to the conniving bastard Seward and his dreams of Manifest Destiny.” p. 33
Such an assault and
conquest would be consistent with the ideas of the powerful William Seward,
Lincoln’s and then Johnson’s Secretary of State, who made no secret of his
belief in the Manifest Destiny of the United States. p.38
The Fenian raids also
solidified the intent of Canadians and Maritimers to combine their colonies
into one nation loyal to the British Crown, safe from the threat of Seward’s
Manifest Destiny.
p.39
“And Secretary Seward,
the Manifest Destiny man, what news of him?” p. 41
“The lawyer is William
H. Seward, President Johnson’s Secretary of State, the Manifest Destiny man.” p. 130
From the moment the
President handed Seward that signed and sealed warrant, the ambitious Secretary
of State had the authority to turn his dream of Manifest Destiny into
exhilarating reality. p. 182
As the pages curled and
the words were consumed, forever disappearing in the fire, Seward was well
pleased with his own masterful contribution to the Manifest Destiny of the
United States of America. – final lines
Q. Tell Me Something I
Already Know
“And we both know how he
gets… ill with too much drinking.” p.16
“It’s a laborious
process, as we all know.” p. 25
“As you know Harry, my
Quebec – Canada East, Lower Canada, whatever – is French.” p.25
“Remember my resolution,
George? If you’ve forgotten, let me remind you.” p.26
“As you may know, Harry,
my dear wife passed away nine years ago.” p. 34
“I must have said this a
dozen times today. I’m really worried
about the sale of Russian America to the Yankees.” p. 39
“… as Marine Minister he
has special knowledge of the affairs of the Company which, as you know, is in
dreadful condition.”
p. 51
“As you are aware, Your
Majesty, the affairs of the Russian American Company, particularly in regard to
control, discipline, and administration at Sitka, became so inadequate that it
was necessary to install a naval captain as governor.” p.54
“You will recall, Your
Majesty, that we were able to negotiate a treaty with Britain...” p.55
“I remind you, Your
Majesty,” de Stoecki nodded wisely, “that some years ago the Americans proposed
the purchase of our colonies to me, as in the past they bought Louisiana from
France and Florida from Spain; and lately Texas and California from Mexico.” p. 59
“All of you are familiar
with the terms and obligations of the Paris Peace Treaty of 1856 after our
defeat by the British in the Crimea.” p. 60
“As you undoubtedly know,
that was the rumor from Sir Frederick Bruce.” p.90
“As I explained to you,
the bread will absorb the vodka…” p.94
‘I’m sure that you, sir,
with your vast knowledge of what is being said and done in foreign capitals,
are aware of Secretary Seward’s belief in Manifest Destiny.” p. 107
Q: What do Russians
drink?
Vodka, vodka, vodka,
vodka, vodka
p.86
Vodka p.87
Vodka p.93
Vodka, vodka, vodka p.94
Vodka, vodka p.98
Vodka, vodka, vodka p.99
Vodka, vodka, vodka p.101
Vodka p.102
Vodka, vodka p.104
Vodka p.106
Vodka p.107
Q. What the Hell?
“Who the hell does
Macdonald think he is?” p.8
“For God’s sake, Harry,
what are you talking about?” p.29
“What in God’s name can
we do?”
p.72
“So who’s the source of
this great goddamn rumor?” p.72
“Where in hell are we
going to find ten million?” p. 75
“Captain, what in hell
is going on?”
p. 202
“Fisher, what in bloody
hell are you doing?”
p.202
“Lieutenant, what the
hell are you doing with a goddamn pink scarf around your neck?” p. 205
