Saturday, 14 March 2015

The American race war is on.  We take you to a cavernous, high-tech war room deep beneath Canada’s Parliament Hill.

Dr. Snowlove: I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of Canadian specimens. It would be quite easy...heh, heh... in planned cities around some of our least accessible mineshafts. The race war would never reach us and in a matter of years, sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided.

The PM: How long would you have to stay up there?

Dr. Snowlove: Well let's see now ah...forever.

The PM: You mean, people could actually stay up there forever?

Dr. Snowlove: It would not be difficult, Mein generalfeldmarschall Rommel! Nuclear reactors could, heh...I'm sorry, Mr. Prime Minister. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plant life. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available jail, school, and regional theatre sites near mines, but I would guess that dwelling space for several million of our people could easily be provided.

The PM: Well, I, I would hate to have to decide...who stays here and... who goes up.

Dr. Snowlove: Well, that would not be necessary, Mr. Prime Minister. It could easily be accomplished with a computer. And a computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, a love of cabins and winter sports and a willingness to mine. Of course, it would be absolutely vital that our top businessmen be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do. Ha, ha.

The PM: But look here doctor, wouldn't they be so bored and cold that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want to go on living?

Dr. Snowlove: No, sir...excuse me...When they go up to the mine, everyone would still be alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!

1 comment:

  1. And here I was thinking that Rohmer had missed something in not writing a novel about Canada and the Great American Race War (instead we got the lesser idea: Englishmen fleeing an increase in the price of a cuppa).

    You're right. It works best as a movie set largely in the Diefenbunker. Dr Snowlove would've been played by Johnny Wayne with Frank Schuster as the PM. And Jack Creley, of course.