Ultimata

Five days into autumn, I report that the most disappointing beach read of my summer was Ultimatum 2. I know you both liked the book... at least I think you both liked the book, but I was a bit let down. It's nowhere near as good as the original - which I will remind you we graded 'C' - nor is it as memorable. How well I remember the sexy Deputy Premier of Nova Scotia of Ultimatum; how little I remember of the "amazing, sharp-minded, cool-tongued black woman" who serves as Secretary of State in Ultimatum 2.

Here's looking forward to Ultimatum 3. And why not? After all, Ultimatum is the one Rohmer title that Canadians of a certain age remember. Why stop at two? Coppola didn't. Sure, the premise of Ultimatum 2 wasn't nearly so interesting as Ultimatum, but that isn't to say that there aren't ideas out there. Some suggestions:

If you judge a book by the cover...

Ultimatum 2 arrived on my desk the same week The Lexicon of Love II was released. You see the similarities, right? Each looks to capitalize on the greatest hit, beginning with the cover.

Because The Guardian is very keen on The Lexicon of Love II, I'm going to force myself to give it a listen.

Because I'm committed to reading Richard Rohmer, I'll be forcing myself to pick up Ultimatum 2. Before I do, I've got a few things to say about it as an objet. 

A few days ago, I wrote you guys an email in which I referred to Ultimatum 2  as a "competent-looking production."

It's not.

Let's look at the cover, which I'll describe charitably as an homage to the original.

I'm certain that the change in the red, white and blue stripes has no meaning. The placement of  "MAJOR-GENERAL" is evidence of ineptitude. Laziness comes in the form of the Russian coat of arms - though "RUSSIA" is helpful to those not familiar - and the old eagle and Canadian flag design used on the cover of Ultimatum... the mass market paperback edition.

C'mon, 300dpi minimum, guys.

A few lessons in Photoshop would help. 

You know it's true.

How to Read a Be$t $eller

Seriously, Brian, do you want me to mail you my copy of Ultimatum 2?
Stan, do you want me to send back your copy of Raleigh on the Rocks?
With my daughter Emma attending the University of Toronto this Fall, and God as my witness, we will obtain The Building the CN Tower and The Building of the SkyDome/Rogers Center.

Anticipation 2

Waiting for Brian Busby to receive and read his copy of Ultimatum 2 is like waiting for the last person at work to finish watching Breaking Bad.  Except lots of people like Breaking Bad.  So it's not exactly like that.

I can't believe he's reading Rainbow Country novelizations instead.  Yes, those stories feature a floatplane and thrilling-but-repetitive adventures in the great Canadian outdoors, but do the characters ever negotiate business deals or drill for anything? No, they do not.

They do not satisfy.

It's like trying to drink whisky from a bottle of wine.  Or vodka, without eating bread.

The password is "swordfish"

At the halfway point, let me pause to say hello to a few old friends: Hello referring to Russia and the US as The Russian Bear and the American Eagle;  Welcome back Twin Otter;  nice to see you again, MacKenzie Delta; what's happening advice on how to eat bread before drinking vodka? How've you been plot device of flying all over the word in a mad rush for meetings that could, in all honesty, wait a day or two? 

So nice to see you back.  In my travels through The Green North and E.P. Taylor's life, I've missed you.

Which brings me to Chris's last posts - if we ever created an RR drinking game, say in the event of a new book being released and taking us by surprise - I say we have a moratorium on using the word "ultimatum".  By page 3 we'd be on the floor.  Unless we invoked a "you don't have to drink if it's not a real ultimatum" rule, which would disqualify most of the uses in this book.  Is it really an ultimatum if, when presented to the Russians, they say "ultimatum!" and then in a line or two, accept it and think it's a good idea after all.

I have a new favorite double entendre: "(Sue Long) sat back, her foot suggestively touching his leg. "Dare I hope, dare I wish, that this something you want can't happen in the bar?"

"Again you've got it. It can only be on the third floor in an appropriate horizontal conference position."

"Where I can take dictation?"

"No. Where you can receive it..."

Oh boy - "receiving dictation".   A clever play on...er, wait.  I take it back.  This is more like a half entendre.  Well, I love it anyway!

If Putin can be named and used as a character, why not Bush and Condoleezza Rice?

A character description for the ages: "Ross was an expert girl-sizer-upper"

Mr. Rohmer - it's time for for your cameo: "You're at the Stafford.  My favourite hotel.  And that American Bar. Wonderful, with all those pictures of the American generals and admirals in the entrance from the hotel's main-floor sitting room. Mind you, there's one Canadian Air Force general's photo contaminating the montage."

"Yes, I saw that.  Air Force, author, lawyer, most decorated Canadian citizen.  Forgotten his name."

Addendum

Page 144: ultimatum

Page 204: ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 206: ultimatum, ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 208: ultimatum

Page 209: ultimatum

Page 210: ultimatum

Last Page: ultimatum, ultimatum

All This and Ultimatum Too

It’s been more than a year since I’ve tasted sweet, sweet Richard Rohmer fiction.  Stanley Whyte’s last note on Death By Deficit was in March 2015. But Ultimatum 2 was worth the wait.  (Brian and Stan, have you started? I’ll avoid spoilers.) I’m barely halfway through and here’s what I’ve got:

Page 8: ultimatum, ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 9: ultimatum

Page 12: ultimatum, ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 13: ultimatums

Page 14: ultimatum

Page 31: ultimatum

Page 38: ultimatum

Page 41: ultimatum, “… his ultimatum strategy was brilliant”

Page 95: ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 96: ultimatum

Page 97: ultimatum, ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 114: ultimatum, ultimatum

Page 116: “Ivanov blanched. He blurted out one word: “Ultimatum!”

Page 120: ultimatum

Page 121: ultimatum, “I have used the Latin word – ultimatum…”

Page 125: “To conclude, the parties agreed that the word “ultimatum” was never to be applicable to any record of the proceedings. Never!”

And here’s the best thing about the plot. (Again, spoiler, but they give it away on the back cover.)  The Russians have a lot of nuclear waste they want to get rid of.  The Americans have been helping them get rid of it.  Then Condoleezza Rice has a brilliant idea: Why not bury it in a hole? America asks Russia what they think, and the Russians agree. (At least that’s how it stands on page 125.)

There’s absolutely no reason to describe this plan as an ultimatum. I believe the technical term is “offer.”

This ain’t my first Rohmer rodeo, though.  I’ll bet my de Havilland Otter they’re about to threaten Canada.

Speaking generally...

About Generally Speaking, I'd say Chris is right - overall, he has led an interesting life and comes across as pretty likeable.  But that said, his aversion to editors is (once again) his undoing.  There's a pretty good 300-page book in here about someone who lived through interesting times and had a hand in a lot of historically significant events.  The problem is, of course, that the book is 581 pages long (counting the appendices).

There are far too many chapters here about things that he was only marginally connected to, at the expense of his own story - the family anecdotes dwindle to almost nothing once he becomes a lawyer.   Chapter after chapter seems to exist because everything that crossed his sphere of influence deserved a part in the story.  Why?  Because he doesn't seem to want to let even the smallest story go by if it means he can mention the Reichmanns, Galen Weston, Conrad Black, etc, etc.  He's a tad star struck by these leading lights of Canadian business (wonder what he thinks of Conrad since his fall from grace?) - the fact they are rich means that any chance to mention them is taken.

A good example - there is the story of how he, Weston, Black and CUAW president Bob White ("as far to the left in things Canadian as Black and Weston, each a tycoon in his own right, are to the right") are all made Officers to the Order of Canada at the same time.  Seated alphabetically, Weston and White end up next to each other.  The result?  They chat amiably.

This is an anecdote?

The short shrift given to his family makes for some weird elliptical passages.  Out of the blue, we get this: "It was 1999.  Mary-O and I were visiting her mother figure, Elspeth Gormley, in England...".  Who?  We never heard of her before or after this cryptic reference.

I think what I found most disappointing was the small amount of space he devotes to his writing career.  There is next-to-nothing about the how and why of any of his novels - nothing much about why he bothers to write, what he gets out of it (except money), his reaction to critics, to readers, what inspires him, what other books he's read etc. etc.  All I got out of the chapter on his writing was the fact he fought to get Ultimatum published his way - without any of those interfering editors.  And if ever a book needed editing, it's Ultimatum...

I note that while he is proudly conservative, it isn't always with a capital C.  Mulroney is barely mentioned and he grudgingly admits to admiring Trudeau.  Sometimes he's off-putting (a throwaway reference to "so-called global warming"), but by and large it wasn't as painful as I'd feared.

 Advertisements for myself:  Not one, but two references to Ultimatum 2, the new novel he is working on.  Both references read like ad copy.

Take heart, Stan, Separation begins badly, gets much worse, but will end up being the best Richard Rohmer novel you've ever read. Credit goes to the whole Lady Hawk sub-plot, which you'd almost think was written by someone else.

If that seems a bit harsh, it's because I'm a bit down on Rohmer right now. Here's why:

Separation Two is nothing but Separation with a few chapters added.

No exaggeration, exxaggeration or exxaggeration UK. It's something I discovered an hour or so ago.

I know how enthusiastic Chris is for Balls!, but I suggest we tackle Separation Two with Separation fresh in our minds.

Does this say anything about Ultimatum 2?